I woke up at four. Just like I have almost every day since August.
I lay awake thinking about the day.
If I say I want to make it good, will it just be good? Or will someone say something offensive and I let my guard down and allow it to hurt me?
I check my phone. 12 new messages. And a missed call from Dylan. Thank goodness he leaves voice mails that always bring my spirit up.
I read all the messages. Listen to the voice mail, then check the time.
It is now 5:45. I need to get up at six. But my body has now decided it is tired.
I pass out for another half hour.
The day went by fast... For the most part. I start off the day with a test in AP Psychology. I missed the test last class period and now I have to sit out in the hall and take it along with the others who missed. I hate this. Because I never want to be the last person in the hall taking the test. So I rush myself, and end up with a bad score. My entire Chapter 2 outline didn't save. So I only turned in three pages. I am sure he is disappointed in me almost as much as I am disappointed in myself. "Pick up the slack Leah. You're better than this" is the phrase that went through my head all day.
I turned all my missing assignments in for my Government class. I think the teacher has it out for me. I really wish we got along. But seems like every time I talk she is ready to throw a book at me. Even if I was asked to talk. Nothing I do in that class ever seems to be good enough.
Last A 'Cappella class we had a party... I hate parties. So this was the first day we really had class after the concert. We are singing "Go Tell it on the Mountain." I love the guys part. But I am not so sure how I feel about the song. I thought it would sound cool. But it kind of sounds messy. Sadly. I feel like I am not helping out with secretary stuff. I feel so lazy.
I was supposed to meet up with Dylan and "Handsome Rob" today. But it didn't work out. I have never been upset about it before. But I was upset today. I really just needed to talk with them.
I slept for most of the afternoon... Long story.
I am so sick now though.
Dark circles under my eyes.
hmm. Sounds like I am ready for Halloween huh?
Writing this Original Oratory Performance is a pain in the... Neck.
I got a lot of help from my Dad today.
But I am really struggling.
Sometimes I worry I am not showing enough gratitude.
There are some days that I really have to look back and think;
There are 86,400 seconds in the day.
Did I thank the people who have said something nice to me or helped me today?
Have I said something nice to someone, or helped them today?
Did I say "please" when asking for something?
Did I tell my parents I love them?
Did I treat people the best I could, despite the pain and heartache I had today?
Did I keep away from gossip?
Was I a nice driver?
Was I rude to myself, or did I keep away from criticizing myself?
Was I quick to judge?
Was I patient with those I came in contact with?
Was I a good example?
Well. Today's Tuesday, and tomorrow's a new day.
I just need to do my best to be better tomorrow.
Thank you for the support.