Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Two Sisters Apart

...
I'm almost speechless.
I used to always say "Maria is my best friend."
Maria is my oldest younger sister. :)
I love the girl. She is incredibly smart, outgoing, and talented.
Maria and I have many memories together, from simply watching movies together or talking in our room, to walking home from school every Thursday, and locking ourselves out of the car in the mall parking lot while it rained.
Maria is one of the very few people that can actually make me laugh so hard that my side hurts.
Maria knows she is a daughter of God, and I see it in her.
Lately though, we haven't been getting along so great... For the past few months it seems as if Maria and I have argued about at least one thing each day.
I had been struggling with some personal issues for about three or so months that I believe brought my spirit down and began to ruin the relationship I had with Maria.
It was really hard seeing that my attitude caught fire and blew everything up. It killed me inside that I was loosing my best friend, someone I needed. And to make it worse, it wasn't just mine and Maria's relationship that was racing down hill, I was loosing my Family; my real friends.
For months I cried myself to sleep. I felt awful about the road I had sped down. There were two roads I could have taken. And without reading the "Danger" sign I rushed down the wrong road.
I lost the fun relationships I had with my family, I lost the laughter, I lost the love.
Argument after argument, Slam after slam, Tissue after tissue, Scream after scream.
I had put myself in danger. I was hurting myself.

After attending Mutual at the Grandview Ward last night I was a bit up tight but still feeling fine. I rushed to meet my mother and four of my sisters at a Down East Sale that we were supposed to get swim suits at. As we talked with my wonderful sister-in-law about the cute swim suits I asked Maria what she thoughts of some, the way she came across started to push me over the edge. It seemed like she was telling me that "nothing would look good" or that because she thought one was cute I couldn't have it. I was quickly offended.

After we finally got home my Mother came up to my room to give me a reasonable talking to. She told me that I was being unkind. I was being rude to my sister. I needed to change my attitude. I needed to be kinder. I needed to welcome her in. I needed to respect her. I needed to be better.
This made me so mad. I wanted to put all the blame on Maria. I wanted her in trouble. I wanted my mother to see that I was not the problem, that it was all Maria. But it is obvious to my family that it has been both of us. After arguing with my Sweet Mother about the situation she left and I later walked down to my Dads office to grab something and told him I was going on a walk to the temple.
When I grabbed the handle to open the door and leave his office he said "You know this isn't just between you guys, it is effecting the whole family." At the same time I remembered what he had said in family prayer only 10 minutes earlier "We are concerned about the spirit in our home..." I had too much anger in me to really stop and think about what was really going on that I just left and started on my way through the park to the Provo Temple.
When I finally arrived at the temple I walked around to the back and sat on one of the benches. Over and over again I read "Holiness to the Lord", "Holiness to the Lord."
It began to remind me of a Sunday School lesson I had only a few weeks ago in the Provo Peak ward. Where my teachers taught that if we Yield to the Lord, and really put him first in our lives everything else will fall into place. We need to trust him.
As I thought more and more about what I had been taught, not only in the lesson a few weeks ago, but what my parents have been teaching me my entire life I realized that I was doing it all wrong.
I was trying to make myself happy. I was trying to have other people and "things" make me happy. I wasn't letting the Lord help. I wasn't letting the spirit guide me and help me find true happiness.
Because I was being selfish and just wanting things to work I was ruining relationships I had. My Dad has asked a few times recently if I am struggling spiritually, because I just hadn't been happy for a little while. I had been sleeping more, and just not wanting anything to do with anyone. He was right, I was struggling spiritually.
My Dad picked me up from the temple last night, and as we sat in the driveway of our home he told me a story.
The story goes like this:
There was once a city man in the country for a road trip. While cruising down the street his car began to fail, and soon broke down. A bit annoyed and upset the city man got out of his car and proceeded to walk to the nearest farm house.
As he walked along the road he went through what he and the farmer might say to each other. This is how it went in his head;
City Man: Hey my car broke down on the street, I was wondering if I might be able to use your phone.

Farmer: You city men are always asking for things.

City Man: Listen, it just broke down, I really could use a tow truck or something. I just need to borrow your phone.

Farmer: You men never do anything yourself. Always getting people to do things for you.

City Man: I only need to use your phone for one call, that's it.

Well the city man had thought about all this in his head and was so frustrated with how he thought the conversation would go. The city man walked up to the farmers house, and when the farmer answered the door the city man punched him in the face.
My Dad then said: If a comment is made and sounds like it could be be taken the wrong way, you need to take it the right way. And if it is made in a rude way then you need to just let it go.
I walked out of the car and went to my room.
This morning I got a text from my mother asking if I was awake, then telling me to look something up on the computer. Everything kind of added up that I didn't get to look at the video until about two in the afternoon. When I asked my mother what she wanted me to watch online she said to go to "LDS.org" my first thought was "...great." But when I saw the title I began to catch on. And as I watched the video I was ready to cry.

Watch the video.

Really, it is all about attitude. "Is your attitude worth catching?"

I love you Maria.
And thank you Mom, I love you.